Ctrl Shift mindfulness
How to be more open, aware & present. Mindfulness—the practice of paying attention and staying present in the moment—has increasingly gained popularity in recent years. Perhaps this is because instead of spending even a second alone, staying present with our thoughts, we reflexively turn to our cell phones (I’m guilty of it at times) for entertainment, comfort, or distraction. Many of us are on our phones at work, in the bathroom - moments that in the past might have been spent unintentionally being mindful.
So how do we reclaim those mindful moments and again learn how to stay present, aware, and accepting of those moments?
Create Mindful Moments
Mindful moments are just small pauses in the business of life. They can be as short as a few breaths or as long as 10 or so minutes where we are actively present in the moment. Turn off the thoughts about the past or future and just notice what’s happening all around you. How do you feel? How do things look? How do things taste? etc...
The thing about being present and really paying attention is that we learn things about ourselves and our world that we might have been avoiding, perhaps with good reason. But we can deal with these thoughts and feelings once they come into the light.
When we try to just cope with emotions—like anxiety—the causes remain intact. Because mindfulness can help us better uncover and get at the causes, it can be a more effective way to increase well-being. But it’s important to note that mindfulness isn’t easy, so if it doesn’t work for you, that’s completely okay too.
Research suggests that people with severe trauma, depression, and other challenges like self-harm sometimes struggle with mindfulness. This is understandable since the roots of this emotional pain may be a lot harder to look at and deal with than other types of emotional pain. Please seek the support of a therapist if this is you and you want to use mindfulness.
How to Be Mindful
Even though mindfulness is theoretically possible to practice anywhere, that doesn’t mean it comes easy. Here’s some helpful tips:
To be more aware: If you're mad, ask what you're really mad at. If you're sad, ask what it is you're really sad at. If you're anxious, ask what it is you're anxious about. Don't settle for, "I'm mad at Devin because he was rude to me." Why does that rudeness matter? Why now? Why him? What is happening inside of you that makes you mad?
To be more open: Try not to push away unpleasant thoughts or emotions that arise. You might feel scared to cry in front of others or yell when you're angry. Try not to stifle those emotions. Instead, ask what might be leading you to stifle them. But also try not to generate excess emotions. Are you crying or yelling to get a specific reaction out of someone else? What are you hoping to achieve with your reactions? Try to stay present so you can just experience yourself as you are instead of trying to contort it into some kind of box.
To be more accepting: Try to stop judging or censoring your feelings and thoughts. Seriously, stop it! You may have heard judgy statements like “Boys don’t cry” or “You’re too sensitive” or “Get over it”, and you will, very likely, continue to hear these things. All you can do is refuse to judge yourself (or others), for having emotions. Emotions are natural and we all deserve ours.
Do a Quick Mindfulness Practice
Right now, try to create some negative emotions in yourself. An easy way to do this is to watch a movie or online video clip with a sad or emotional scene. Or if you’d like to challenge yourself, you could imagine something in your own life—for example, failing at something, being embarrassed in front of a crowd, or an injustice experienced by others that bothers you.
Once you have drummed up some negative emotions, stop thinking about the negative experiences and just be. See if you notice any interesting body sensations, emotions, or thoughts. Practice not ruminating on the experience but also not pushing the emotions away. Just be with yourself until your thoughts and emotions trail off.
If you finished this blog article feeling shaky, upset, or overwhelmed, mindfulness may not be for you. If, on the other hand, you feel more centered, calm, and content, keep using mindfulness to improve your life.
You may have additional questions on incorporating mindfulness in your day to day, let’s connect.
Your Partner in Balance,
Shayla Peterson