Ctrl Shift NO
It is such an intrinsic part of human DNA to be a people pleaser. There is that unceasing desire inside of us to make sure everyone else is happy- even at our own expense. And I’m willing to bet that, at some point in your life, you’ve felt a sense of guilt in saying no to work, family, or friends.
You most certainly are not alone.
Today’s culture places so much emphasis on pleasing and serving others. We’ve forgotten how to take care of ourselves. We strive so hard to be the best friend, mom, or employee we can be. Many of us over-commit to relationships or work that do more harm than good. And at the time, we may think that that makes us happy.
But wouldn’t it be better that we feel happy not only for the things we do but also for the things we don’t do? Here’s why learning to say ‘no’ is real power.
Saying ‘no’ creates healthy boundaries
You may be used to saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything all the time. Setting boundaries is a challenging thing to do. Perhaps we got used to taking on more than we can handle to please others, or agree to squeeze in invites to keep from missing out. But saying no to unnecessary extras in our lives allows for more time on what it is we truly value. Saying ‘no’ gives space for the yeses in our lives. It creates space for the people and moments that really matter the most to us.
It’s an art.
Saying ‘no’ is not something that is mastered overnight. That is why many believe that saying no is an art because the only way you get better at it is with practice. Being honest to express your true feelings takes a relationship deeper than the people-pleasing surface. Saying ‘no’ for the first time definitely won’t be easy, but training yourself to stop saying ‘yes’ all the time is worth it in the long-run.
Saying ‘no’ to others means saying ‘yes’ to yourself.
And isn’t that such a powerful thing? You can’t be all things to all people. You may not be in control of other people’s emotions but you are in control of your ability to speak your truth. Remind yourself of the fact that how other people interpret your truth is on them, not you. It’s time to stop dishonoring yourself at the expense of what people will think of you. Say ‘yes’ to yourself, your values, and the people you love.
Listen, I’m not here to tell you that you need to say no to everything. There is always value in yeses but there are just times when no's are far more powerful. So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you want to say ‘no’ but can’t seem to do so, ask yourself this: how many times have I shown up for them?
Seems a little selfish? Then ask yourself this: how many times have I shown up for myself? You’ll know what to say after that.
Do you think you’re ready to start saying yes to yourself? Let’s chat and schedule today.
A companion journal to working on coping with negative thinking is Hey Sis: 40 days of self-reflection and encouragement, get here.
With Balance & Wellness,
Shayla Peterson, LCSW